Monday, October 31, 2005
Monday, October 17, 2005
So evidently, I've been blog-tagged by Alina Chau to post 20 things about myself. Gentleman that I am, I will honor this tag, but honor it only. Anything more and the tag will have to wait until at least the second date and only after getting a little wine in me first.
1. Not only am I the first person to be run over by a toilet plunger, but I'm the first colored person to oppose pastrami.
2. I lost my genitals to lacrosse.
3. I have engraved my name on every gravestone in San Clemente.
4. I have robbed an obstetrics clinic with nothing but a sandal.
5. I stand as the sole heir to the Milton-Bradley dynasty.
6. If I had freeway onramps for arms, I would use them to deal blackjack.
7. If given the choice between Pee Wee Herman, Kublai Khan, or a paranoid chinchila, I would probably choose the lasagna.
8. My favorite word is hullabaloo.
9. My least favorite word is "neatly-trimmed beard."
10. My favorite finger is Darryll.
11. I consider myself more diocesan than ecumenical, even tho I'm not sure what either of these words means.
12. My favorite curse word is "poopdick."
13. Gertrude Stein once compared me to a "lemur awakening from a coma in a sundress."
14. I curse my overbearing machismo.
15. I once dreamed an entirely original, black-and-white noir film.
16. My all-time favorite movie scene is the deleted bit from Anchorman where Ron Burgundy hassles the innocent little old man on his own doorstep.
17. My all-time favorite quote is courtesy of Daffy Duck: "I'm different from other people; pain hurts me."
18. I am in animation today due to a profound coincidence involving the name "Mike Maltese."
19. If I were stranded on an arctic tundra (again), the 5 DVDs I would have in my parka would be:
South Park: The Movie
20. I constantly overuse the words plenipotentiary, again, handmade, omnivorous, and the.
"No one can teach what will sell, what won't, what will be a smash or a fiasco, because NO ONE KNOWS." --Robert McKee
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Oh golly--how long have I been away this time? Time absolutely comafies when you lead an expedition searching for the elusive Cincinatti Condor. Why the Cincinatti Condor? To massage it, slaughter, smoke, and jerk it and then take the carcass wholesale and sell it as bottled ham (Kenya has cut off my quota for giraffe tenderloins). Since I'm still recovering from work last week and am feeling too bourgeousie to post any art, I'll just again plug my current inspirations:
BIG reminder: Serenity and Wallace & Gromit are still out in theaters--do yourself a goldmine as an entertainment artist and see both, PARTICULARLY Serenity since its numbers are dwindling like the Grand Canyon's lemming population.
TV: NBC Tuesday nights! My Name Is Earl and The Office are phenoms of comedic acting and are just downright, well, fun!
Lost--this show drives me crazier and crazier with the week--my hairline is already receding and it doesn't need the further aggravation of an annual Wednesday night hair pulling. But Hurley is cooler than ever, Charlie's becoming a total bitch, Locke is getting creepier, wound for wound Sawyer is more and more becoming something out of Weekend at Bernie's, and Kate looks friggin YUMMY when wearing only water and a towel! And I'm assuming she's Canadian or American Indian, 'cause there's no way a desert island razor can produce such succulent, hairless legs.
Comics: Powers! The storytelling is scrumptilescent as always, but Michael Avon Oeming has been on his GAME for the last two issues of art! Best comic out there hands down!
Also, I gots me the new Mignola-style Hellboy action figure! So superswank, I took the coat and gun from my old Graphitti Hellboy, threw him out, and decked out the new one. Will the new Buzz Lightyear please stand up?
And biggest of all--South Park Season 6 on DVD! I've been saying for years that Trey Parker is the only person in entertainment keeping satire alive since The Simpsons started going downhill, and this collection poofs my theory fact. Considering the collection includes such episodes as Jared Has Aides, South Park in Aspen, Cartman on Maury Povich, Free Hat, Gawrddam Mongorians, the ladder to heaven, Lemmiwinks, John Edwards: The Biggest Douche in the Universe, Rob Schneider in Durpity Durp, and Red Sleigh Down where Santa gets shot down over Iraq and it's up to Jesus and Mr. Hanky to save him, you will guffaw your pants peepeed. And best of all, each episode has a mini commentary by Trey and Matt! Granted, I can always listen to Trey talk, but these commentaries are great! By keeping 'em short, Trey and Matt never overstep their welcome: they get in, say what needs to be sed, and get the heck outta there before the episode is even half over. And not only do they discuss their comedic theory, but they address topics such as their experiences with Russell Crowe and Steven Spielberg, their real life frustration of finding out how half their ideas have already been done by The Simpsons, the evils of boobs, how a trip to China inspired the Gawrddam Mongorians, and why they don't condone the eating of babies. Bliss. Physical bliss!
And now, a real conversation I had at work:
Chick: "Um, how much to draw one of these?"
Me: "Well, for one like I'm doing now, it costs $28 a person."
Chick: "Oh, well, then how much does it cost to NOT draw one of these?"
Me: "Uh, well, to not draw one of these would be the same as not doing one at all which means there would be no business transaction between the two of us, so technically, it would be....free?"
Chick: "Ok. See ya later."
And to prove that miracles do happen, my roommate Devon opened an individually wrapped Fruit Roll-Up to find TWO Fruit Roll-Ups inside! Keep at it tiger!
"If anyone starts taking himself too seriously, he is certain to become a target sooner or later."
Friday, October 07, 2005
All I have to post today is a prodigious plea with everyone to go out there and see both Serenity and Wallace & Gromit. The both of them stand as not only the most intelligent, well-made films I've seen this year, but also feature the strongest characters to slide onto the silver screen in a while. Mr. Whedon and Mr. Park adore their creations and not one second of that love is not reflected in the incessant entertainment value in both films. The direction is impeccable in each, the acting is flawless, and both brim to the buttocks with wit and thrills. Storytelling is back, babies, and if they do wicked well, well, finally there can be two feature franchises I'll gladly throw my wallet at, sequel after sequel. No but seriously, you're alright.
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." --Galileo Galilei